Those wacky Indians

Somehow, I think they missed the point when the health craze caught on.

OK, yes, cows are speeshul in India, but I don’t think trading high fructose corn syrup for, well, pee, is going to help anyone’s waistline or life expectancy.

No, I don’t care how healthy and magical and clean it is.  It’s pee.  Faced between drinking that and dying on the hospital bed, I choose croaking.

Video of the day

Five year olds shouldn’t be smokin’ the reefer.  Or maybe they should just avoid the dentist.

If the whales weren’t enough…

Now we have Klingons robbing convenience stores.

I am hereby upgrading the threat level to Mauve.

Whale-a-plenty

They may be prepping for an invasion.

UPDATE: It’s far worse than we thought.  Those damn whale terrorist unibombers. I encourage everyone to seek shelter (not that it will matter when the whale guts penetrate your abode and kill you) and become extremely alarmed and frightened.  Buy bleach and light bulbs just in case.

Bad economy forces some to choke chickens to make dough

You know it’s bad when it comes to this.

Though I would like to dispute this part of the story:

Cairo would not say how much a sperm donor can earn but added it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Uh, have you ever tried, sir?  Takes about a minute.  Pay and go.  You could even have a drive-thru.

Jenny, I got your number

Or, at least, someone will.

Frankly, while it’s a great song, I’d rather stick a marshmallow poker in my eye than have that as my personal number.  30 to 40 calls a day?   Plus any associated wrist slashing that may be involved?  No thank you.

Also think of the reaction you’d get if you gave someone your number:

You: Yeah, it’s 867-5309.

Hot Girl: Pigcrap, loser. What do you take me for?

You: No, I’m serious!

Hot Girl: Me too.  I’m becoming a lesbian.

And this story…

…is utter crap.

This one…

…gets my full support.

Say it aint so; whered the apostrophe go?

I love England, especially when they do silly things.

With the amount of people who misuse apostrophes, Id be perfectly willing to remove them completely, if only to prevent people from looking like theyre total knobs.

Ain’t no grammarian

…But I say these people should be given an award.

Sure, they defaced national signs, but if you’re going to deface something, you may as well deface something while being educational and helpful at the same time.  If I were the government, I’d be embarrassed to have improper grammar and spelling on my signs.  I can’t even stand having improper grammar on my blog posts, and edit them at least nine times before they’re acceptable, and even then they’re not perfect.

I’m just confused what the government has against good grammar.  Sure, defacing government property isn’t a good thing, but if I were in charge of the outfit, I’d have taken the opportunity to create correct signs or at least have a sense of humor about it, like issue a press release about the defacing with all the words misspelled or something.  Unfortunely, our government is not nearly that awesome.

Hey, Snigs

Assuming all Georgian males can’t be described as hairy and frozen, you may have new neighbors.

Dumb ass is as dumb ass does

D’oh!

Fish heads, fish heads

Worlly-borlly fish heads.

‘911? I’d like to report a moron’

Yes, apparently sub shop workers forgetting a man’s sauce is now an offense best left to the police.

I think it would be great it other things could be settled with police action.  In Omaha, we are already allowed to call 911 if there’s someone smoking in a public building or place.  I think this should be extended.  Think of it—one day being able to get the police to lay the smackdown on some moron because he didn’t say “Thank you” when you held the door open for him.

Mars Attacks!

So of course the exciting news is that Mars has some form of water on its surface, which means it may potentially be a great natural habitat for simple, one-celled organisms, or possibly members of Congress.

Of course, this being America, and America generally being a blood-sucking leech, several Nebraskans have already figured out how to tap into this vast resource by building a pipeline from Earth to Mars, which—assuming there aren’t any obstacles thrown in the way such as asteroids or brain-eating aliens—should be completed just in time for my birthday in 3010.

“A private, state, federal funding partnership is likely,” they wrote.

Yes, I think this is a great idea and we should throw money at this concept immediately.

For the record I think—THINK—this is a joke.