Vacation, Part Uno

This is the first chance I’ve had a reliable WiFi connection for my laptop or the first time I haven’t been tired to the point of passing out on the floor, so here goes: Part Uno of the dysfunctional family vacation.

The first day involved driving to Dodge City, KS. Why? Nobody knows. Actually, my dad wanted to go there, again, why? Nobody knows.

We were chased by thunderstorms and torrents of rain the entire trip down there. It kind of looked like it would clear up when we arrived, but to no avail.

Oh! But I’m jumping ahead!

Dodge City was designed by morons. On one end of the city, there is a cattle stockyard. On the opposite end (presumably) is a rendering plant, as that’s the only explanation for full cattle trucks going one way and empty cattle trucks going the other way. As such, the entire city smells perpetually of Grade A Shite. I am not a rural person. I do not like the country. I do not do well in small, farm-ish places. So that coupled with cow crap and I am not a happy camper.

So we tried to go to the historic Wild West portion of town: Closed. Closed at 5. It’s 5 now. So I got a shot and we had to press on.

The rest of the city is pointless and stupid, so we found a place to eat (Taco Bell) and I decided to use my phone to locate and route us to a theater so we can see Indiana Jones. We arrived just as a tornado warning was isssued.

In hind sight, this probably didn’t matter since it made no difference if we were in a theater or a hotel—neither offer much protection. But the bad part is my dad is a huuuuuuuge nerd/geek when it comes to weather. I at least try to hide my nerd-dom while in public; he flaunts it. He has roughly 58 electronic gizmos attached to his belt at any given time and each emits a slightly different pitched siren when bad weather goes down. So the last thing I wanted was to be in a theater with the entire Dodge City Volunteer Fire Dept. sitting next to me. So we went to the hotel.

It stormed…badly. While dad was off in the corner beeping, my mom and I watched a funny Jack Lemmon movie.

Then when it was over…I got a headache. I took some medicine. We went to bed. The headache promptly escalated to a Force 3 Migraine and shortly thereafter I threw up. I blame the cow crap.

So all in all an excellent way to start a vacation.

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3 Responses

  1. Your vacation has started like shit.

    Shit stinks.

    I hope the vacation gets better.

    (And I live in the country but don’t like the smell of animal poop. Thankfully there are none close enough for me to smell.)

  2. Ugh, like Snigs said, what a shitty way to start a vacation.

    Glad you’re all right and not blown over to Missouri, or something, though! 🙂

  3. That smell was “the smell of money.” And you were dead accurate about Dodge City itself. Imagine all the poor Kansas teens who think that’s the BIG CITY. I remember when “Historic Dodge” was free.

    Too bad about the weather. I wish I’d given your my sister-in-law’s phone # as they have a basement.

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