No More Cookies for the Cookie Monster

Another column printed in my school newspaper. And, to clarify, I did not make this up, although I wish I did.
Of course, the big story that has been in the news for weeks now is the engagement of Angelina Jolie to Brad Pitt, and what color the flowers are going to be at the rehearsal [...]

WAY below dealer cost

Another humor column, completely unedited, uncensored, and untrue.
Like any sane American with at least half of a working brain lobe, I immediately start regurgitating when I hear this on television:
“We here at the Jimbo “Wyatt” Earp Tri-county Car Emporium invite you to bring the kids, the dog, EVERYONE down today! Dig up Grandma Lucy, strap [...]

A manly exertion of manliness

I am the editor of a school newspaper, and in between problem-solving and growing white hair, I get to write humor columns, which completely makes up for having to write real journalism.
Within a matter of several minutes, our upstairs bathroom and hallway were flooded with enough water to make the Indian Ocean look like a [...]